Around this time a year ago, I was feeling down about pretty much everything going on in my life. I was dealing with depression and struggling to learn in school. I messaged some close cousins of mine about alternatives to attending college. Maybe I’ll just take a break for a year and work. Maybe I’ll switch majors. Maybe I’ll just get my AA degree. Maybe I’ll just find a job in town.

I tried to think of anything to avoid working hard. I started skipping classes often. I used my depression as an excuse to be lazy and lay in bed all day. It was a crippling mindset. I didn’t want to try anymore. I was extremely close to dropping out of college, but ultimately made the decision to continue going to school and registered for spring quarter. It was mostly out of fear of disappointing my parents. I was already so close to finishing my degree and I didn’t want to waste more time or get caught up in a working a dead-end job. There was no backup plan. For me, college was my only plan for the longest time and I had to stick to it. After getting through winter quarter I nearly lost my financial aid due to poor academic standing. Instead of getting even more down on myself, I panicked. But this type of panic helped propel me forward. I absolutely had to do well. I had to work hard.

A year later, here I am, not too far away from graduating with my Bachelor’s degree in Visual Communication Design. I’ve come a long way. I’ve cried a lot of nights. I’ve pulled countless numbers of 36-48 hour days and probably will continue to do so up until my last day of school. Even now I still (only half-jokingly) say that I want to quit school and am going to drop out.

I understand and truly believe that college isn’t for everyone. A lot of people do great getting vocational jobs or going to trade schools, or work their way up in a company. And I believe that it’s totally legitimate for people to take breaks from school because college can be so mentally and emotionally draining while we have other things going on in our life. But I also want to say that showing up is half the battle. The other half is putting in the work; and then you have the golden formula for success.

For a little extra motivation I also decided to publish something I wrote last summer regarding school and summer classes. Read at: https://itsmaylea.home.blog/2020/03/02/taking-summer-classes/

It’s possible that we mess things up because we met someone at the wrong time. You could have loved them with your entire being… you may have already planned your whole future with them in it. But one day, you wake up and realize that you two are not ready to be together forever. There’s something, an invisible wall, an unspoken feeling… something that gets in the way of feeling sure of being with this person. You two grow distant, no matter how closely you hold them. You need attention, but they need space. You want to do things with them, but they want to do things on their own. You want to grow as a couple, but they want to grow independently.

Maybe you fell in love with someone that didn’t love you back. Maybe the person you love doesn’t love you in the same way. Maybe you’ve come to realize “this isn’t my forever person”.

Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone they may never provide the love and effort you need or deserve. There are people that only come into your life to teach you lessons and help you grow as a person, and that’s okay.

Perhaps you simply met at the wrong time in your lives. Or maybe that just means they weren’t the right one to begin with, as much as you wanted them to be.